It's been a while.

This morning I logged onto myfitnesspal and a little message popped up.  "amazon75 has logged in for 5 days in a row".  I started bawling.  

For so long, I was beyond dedicated, my logging was just shy of compulsive.  But the last few months I've gotten sidetracked.  I've lost my motivation.  I let myself "cheat" more and more.  But I kept my count on MFP.  Just 6 days ago I'd hit day 535.  Even if I wasn't logging everything that I ate, I was at least getting onto the website. And this morning to know that I didn't even realize that I missed a day made me extremely sad.  

Seeing that message this morning was reminder of just how far I've fallen.  I don't know what it will take to get back on track.  Maybe I need to really talk to someone.  Maybe I should stay off the website until I'm ready to be devoted again.  I really don't know but something has to change.  

The Monthly Report

I don't know what's up with me lately.  I'm tired all the time.  I'm not exercising like I should.  I'm constantly hungry.  And I'm allowing myself way too many indulgences when it comes to food.  

As you can see from my stats, not a lot has changed since I hit my anniversary back at the beginning of September.  My weekly weigh in graph is doing some serious seesawing.  

Maybe it's being constantly told I don't need to lose any more weight.  Maybe it's that I've actually reached my size goal that I set for myself when I started (I said I'd be satisfied if I got to a size 12 or 14). I really don't know.  I do know that I'm just a few pounds away from being able to say I'm just overweight and not obese.  Will that be my stopping point? Is it time to stop focusing on losing and really start working on toning and maintaining?  I'm really not sure.

The Mid Month Report

I've been seriously slacking, in a couple of ways, lately.

As evidenced by the title of today's blog, it's already the middle of the month and I'm just updating.  Yes, I've been busy but that's no excuse.  I need to get back to at least weekly post. 

Another way I've been slacking??? I've allowed myself a few too many splurge days and it's obviously working against me if the 2.2 lb loss for the month of September is any evidence.  Yes, I've accomplished a lot and I have less to loss so it will come off slower but that's not good.  I'm not quite at goal, so I really need to tighten up.

By the way, if you look at my weigh in for the month, you may notice some pretty drastic changes. I really doubt I've lost 15 inches but I recently invested in a wrap n stay measuring tape, so I probably got a more accurate reading than I had previously.

Before I go, I'll share a few NSVs.

My office is going business casual starting tomorrow.  Instead of having to invest in a whole new work wardrobe, I was able to acquire a new to me wardrobe (12s & 14s) from my bestie who's also lost a bunch of weight.  I love hand me downs!

My birthday was last weekend and I was able to share it with friends on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Friday was dinner at Seasons 52, so even though I splurged on the awesome cake my coworker made for me; I, along with everyone dining with me, was able to make healthy dinner choices.  

If you check out this month's pic, you'll see that I got pretty dolled up for my birthday.  After dinner, we went to catch a band that I like and had to walk about a couple of blocks downtown from our parking spot. First let me share that walking two full city blocks each way in 5" heels was definitely felt in my calves the next day.  But the NSV?? As we're walking to the venue, we go by another club and....entire group of men standing outside stopped talking to watch me walk by.  Granted I was 6'5" in my heels and they'd probably never seen a real live amazon, but that's never happened to me before.  

There are only a few weeks till my next monthly weigh in and I have the challenge of a weekend at my granny's to get through but hopefully I can do better in October than I did in September.

The Anniversary Report

It’s taken me a little longer than usual to post my monthly report but this month I got to spend the holiday weekend with my family and I enjoyed every minute of it, so my post had to wait a few days.

On September 1, 2011, I saved my own life.  I’d already made the decision to make changes that would lead to a healthier, longer life but on that Thursday last year I took the first steps on my journey.  On that day I stepped on the scale and weighed 384.4 lbs.  That will be the last time that I ever see a number that big. 

On that day in September, I did something simple, I started counting calories.  I was downright militant when it came to logging everything.  Everything that went into my mouth was logged.  To make sure that I knew exactly what those calories were, I weighed and measured anything that I made myself (and still do today) and didn’t go to any restaurant that didn’t have their nutritional information available. 

I quickly learned that we as Americans have no real sense of what a single serving is.  I learned that smaller portions can be satisfying.  I learned not to eat just for the sake of eating.  I learned that it really isn’t that hard to eat better if you just pay attention.  I know I’m oversimplifying but for me there really was no secret formula.  It really was a better diet and exercise.  I hate not being able to divulge some big secret when people ask how I’ve been successful in my weight loss. 

On September 1, 2012, I stepped on the scale and weighed 231.2 lbs.  In one year, I’ve lost 153.2 lbs.  I’m down 158.8 from my high weight of 390 back in June of 2011.  I haven’t gotten on the scale since getting home from my brothers’ house so that number may be a bit higher but I don’t indulge like I did over the weekend very often so I know I will see that number again.  I still don’t know what my goal weight is but I do have a size goal.  This weekend, I bought a pair of size 12 khakis from Eddie Bauer.  When I can do that in any store, maybe I’ll switch to maintenance calories. 

I’ve always taken the BMI weight ranges with a grain of salt.  I’m a 6’ tall woman with a large frame.  At 390 lbs, I wore a size 26.  At 231, I’m wearing 12s.  I’ve never looked like I weigh as much as I do (a good and a bad thing).  According to the BMI ranges, the highest weight that I can be and be healthy is 184 lbs.  So in order to just barely be healthy, I would need to lose 50 more lbs.  To me that seems unreasonable.  I think I may just be happy with being overweight which is just 10 lbs away.

Recently, a lot of people have told me that I don’t need to lose anymore weight; that I look good the way I am.  I truly appreciate the sentiment and I know it’s probably more psychological than anything else but I think I have a ways to go.  Maybe not, cause nobody knows what I look like naked but me.  I’m not expecting a six pack but I would like to get to the point that everything doesn’t jiggle (I have a LOT of toning to do).  I’m a lot closer today than I ever have been and one day soon I’ll get there.

The Monthly Report

In one month's time, I'll be celebrating the one year anniversary of the day I started living a healthy(er) life; the day I began working on the new me.  I may just be getting the hang of this.  

I celebrated a major milestone this week.  With my weigh in on Monday (238.8), I said goodbye to the 240s and crossed over the 150 lbs lost mark.  I've said this before.  I can't believe the progress I've made and this is my life.

I want to share a few of NSVs ( Non Scale Victories) from the last couple of weeks. 

1) Today, I bought a size LARGE tshirt.  Walmart has these inexpensive tees that I love cause the sleeves are short and I don't have to worry about them fitting my batwings.  I've noticed that the shirts that I have were a bit roomy through the middle (see this month's pic), so today when I ran by Wally World, I decided to try on a large for kicks and giggles and it fit.  I tried on a large dress that was on the clearance rack too.  It fit but when it comes to dresses other things come into play when it's time to make a purchase decision.  Namely the fact that I'm 6' tall and unless I wanted to show the world my business every time I took a breath, the large just wasn't going to work.

2) Yesterday at work we had a potluck/surprise baby shower.  Yes, I overate but I went prepared with my measuring cups and I made conscious decisions about everything that I ate.  My lunch was a whole lot of calories and like I said, I measured my food.  I don't even want to imagine what everybody else ate.  It helps that while preparing for the event, I took the stairs several times between the first and second floors.  It was almost instinctive to walk toward the staircase instead of the elevators.  My weigh in for today is actually 1 lb up from Monday but I think that's solely because of water retention from my sodium intake yesterday.

3) Monday, I was laying on my bed and realized I could feel my hip bones.  Do you know how many layers I had to get rid of to be able to do that?

4) Sunday, I went to see a movie and had to run to the restroom.  As I walked past the mirrors, placed directly under some of the brightest, most unforgiving, fluorescent lights ever, I actually had a little moment of vanity.  I noticed just how thin my face has gotten.  Now I'm not saying I haven't noticed before but under all that bright light, I think I really saw the new me for the first time.

5) Last weekend, while I supposed to be helping my friend Terri clean out her closet, I ended up scavenging a bit and walked away with some new to me shorts and capris, IN A SIZE 12!  I actually wore the capris to work today (again, see this month's pic, ignore the cell phone in my pocket).  When I first started losing weight, I'd set a size goal rather than a weight goal for myself.  I said if I could eventually get down to a size 12, I'd be satisfied.  Now, I know right now I'm not going to be able to walk into every store and buy a size 12 but I'm almost there.  When I get there, we'll see if that's where I decide to stay.