One year ago today, I went to the doctor for my annual check up. I went already anxious because I had serious suspicions that I might have diabetes. So my anxiety level wasn't help at all when I stepped on the scale and saw that I weighed 390 lbs. It really wasn't much more than the 375 that I thought I weighed, but for some reason that extra 15 lbs made all the difference. For a few days, I waited for my blood work to come back, ready to start living life as a diabetic. Fortunately, my results came back negative but I was worried enough, scared enough to finally make the decision to make some major life changes.
Today, I'm an entirely new person, physically and mentally. Today, I stepped on a scale and saw this:
249.5. I'd hoped for 250 but resigned myself to 251 or 252. You can't even begin to imagine how it felt to have to slide that bottom weight over to 200. I was so overwhelmed that I actually cried. In the last year, I've lost 140.5 lbs. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe what I've managed to accomplished.
I don't know how to be this "skinny" person. I remember shopping at plus size stores in 8th grade. In my entire adult life, I've never been this small. It's practically ingrained in me to walk straight to the plus size section when I walk into a store. I walk past a mirror and can't help but look and look again because it's still so hard to believe that this is actually me.
Sometimes, I have to stop myself from focusing on what I see as the negatives; the fact that I have a LOT of loose skin that I may have to eventually have to have removed, that I still have more to lose, that my boobs have basically disappeared. I have to keep reminding myself that I've come so far and should be extremely proud of myself.
The last month for me has been a major challenge. I started a new job and my body is struggling to find balance with my new schedule. I work, I come home and that's it. I seem to have totally and completely lost my exercise mojo. I've still managed to lose even with all the pot lucks, birthday cakes and afternoon ice cream breaks at the office, but I really need to refocus and get back to exercising, cause eventually I'm going to have one too many slices of cake.
But for now, it's time to focus on the positive. 12 months, 140.5 lbs and over 75 inches lost. That definitely brings a smile to my face.